Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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