if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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