totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
