We're facebook friends in real life
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
