dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
