i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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