Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
