I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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