I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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