We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
