Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
birth control should be required to get into college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize