my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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