ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
