She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
