at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
