i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
