i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
