why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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