ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
