i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
