hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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