You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
handjob tips. give me some.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
