Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
