Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's blow job season.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
