Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
