i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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