and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
