Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
