There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
