Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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