Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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