Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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