I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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