You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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