U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
