i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
