i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just tell him i said nine months
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
