I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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