i think i have two assholes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
