I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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