dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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