so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
