You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
