So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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