Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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