I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
id be glad to
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
