Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
