she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
