Pappa wants mamma naked
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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