I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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