he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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