I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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