if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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