She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
