Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
