I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
