Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
