Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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