he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
