3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
