My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
