You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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