not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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