We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
