So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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