and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize