Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
