before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize