wakey wakey hands off snakey
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
