I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
