Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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