If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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