yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
