i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
