erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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