what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
