I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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