hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
