How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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