And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
