am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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