you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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