Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
