at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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