he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
