I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
