I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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