If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
