Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's rum buckets o'clock
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
