bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
