tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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