I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He has the fingertips of a God
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