good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
nutella sex= disaster
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
