The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
