I just made out with a guy for $7.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
