she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
