Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
worst night to have a conscience
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
