Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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