we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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