You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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