I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
