I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
