I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
