Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
